Pregnancy, Loss, and the Hope of Rainbows and Sunshine

My BFP (Big Fat Positive). The latest and the last. It’s a long story...

Nine pregnancies. Six heartbreaking losses. Two beautiful children. And now, against all odds, another little miracle on the way.

Pregnancy, for me, has been a journey of both unimaginable joy and deep sorrow. With each positive test, I felt hope bloom—only to have it shattered too many times. I have lost six pregnancies at different stages, between five and twelve weeks. No matter how early, each loss was painful. It never got easier. But despite the heartbreak, I now have one rainbow baby, another on the way, and a middle child who was the easiest pregnancy I could have ever dreamed of—so easy, in fact, that it felt like none of the losses, fears, or anxieties had ever existed. Let’s call him my sunshine baby.

The Silent Struggle of Pregnancy Loss

People talk more about pregnancy loss now than they did in the past, but it is still one of those things you never fully understand until it happens to you. Suddenly, you realize just how many people around you have been through it too. The moment I had my first miscarriage, it was as if an invisible door opened, revealing a quiet sisterhood of women who had experienced the same heartache.

Losing a pregnancy makes you fear things you never even considered before. It makes you doubt your body, your future, and sometimes, even yourself. But through it all, I’ve learned one truth: most people who want a baby eventually get one—one way or another. It may take longer. It may happen with a different partner. It may come through adoption, IVF, surrogacy, or an unexpected miracle. But it happens. Even in the darkest moments, the storm eventually passes, the sun returns, and sometimes, if you’re lucky, a rainbow appears.

An Unexpected Miracle at 43

After everything, I had made peace with the fact that my pregnancy journey was over. I had stopped tracking ovulation, stopped planning, stopped hoping. At 43, I was sure my body had quietly closed the door on fertility.

For two years, I had tried everything—ovulation medication, predictor kits, perfect timing. I got pregnant twice, but both ended in early losses. When nothing seemed to work, I assumed my fertility had simply faded away, that perhaps I was even entering early menopause. And then, when I least expected it, when I wasn’t even trying… I got my BFP.

I remember reading somewhere that the chances of getting pregnant at 43 are around 2%. But statistics don’t tell the whole story. Because sometimes, life has its own plans.

Finding Hope in the Journey

I decided to write about this because I know how lonely this road can feel. I know how easy it is to lose hope. But I also know that even when you think your story is over, life can surprise you.

Over the next few posts, I’ll share more about my journey—the struggles, the lessons, the heartbreak, and the joy. If you’re in the middle of the storm right now, I hope my story reminds you that the sun does return. The rainbow does appear.

And when it does, it is more beautiful than you ever imagined.